SCOTT C. FIELDS
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
WISDOM MAKES YOU SMILE
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible.
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one,
you'll become a philosopher.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
And the cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good spit it out.
May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and
may nothing but happiness come through your door.
Scott C. Fields
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