Wednesday, January 30, 2013

GREAT TRUTHS






25 Great Truths & Possibly The 5 Best Sentences    
 
  
 
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. --    John Adams
 
2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. --    Mark Twain
 
  3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. --    Mark Twain
 
  4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. --    Winston Churchill
 
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. --    George Bernard Shaw
 
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. --    G. Gordon Liddy
 
7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. --    James Bovard   , Civil Libertarian (1994)
 
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. --    Douglas Casey   , Classmate of Bill Clinton at George town University
 
9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. --    P.J. O'Rourke   , Civil Libertarian
 
10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. --    Frederic Bastiat   , French economist(1801-1850)
 
11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. --    Ronald Reagan     (1986)
 
12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. --    Will Roger s
 
13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! --    P.J. O'Rourke
 
14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. --    Voltaire     (1764)
 
15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! --    Pericles    (430 B.C.)
 
16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. --    Mark Twain    (1866)
 
17. Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it. --    Anonymous
 
18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. --    Ronald Reagan
 
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. --    Winston Churchill
 
20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. --Mark Twain
 
21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --  Herbert Spencer   , English Phil osopher (1820-1903)
 
22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress. --    Mark Twain
 
23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. --    Edward Langley   , Artist (1928-1995)
 
24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. --    Thomas Jefferson
 
25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. --    Aesop    
 
FIVE BEST SENTENCES
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
 
2. What one person receives without working for...another person must work for without receiving.
 
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
 
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
 
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work, because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation!  
 

Saturday, January 26, 2013

ONE OF MY FAVORITE JOKES

  • A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

    He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

    Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

    Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

    'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

    'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

    The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

    'Moses,' replied the bird.

    'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

    'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

STATISTICS FROM 1910

 ************ ********* ************

The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.

Gasoline was sold in drug stores only.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !

The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.

The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian

between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME.

Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!

Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard.'

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

The Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was only 30!

Crossword puzzles and iced tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write and only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.
Back then pharmacists said, 'Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,
regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health'

Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.!




Monday, January 7, 2013

Two-Line Poetry Competition

 
 


THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST
 COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH
THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE AND THE LEAST
 ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:


1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other ...
that is, until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet,
and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty, and  
so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn it, I'm good at telling such lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell'.
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.


WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?
 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

HOW TRUE IT IS

 

Another year has passed
And we're all a little older.

 

Last summer felt hotter 

And winter seems much colder.


I rack my brain for happy thoughts,
To put down on my pad, 


But lots of things, That come to mind
Just make me kind of sad.


There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.


Now I fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'. 


We used to go to friends homes,
Baseball games and lunches.


Now we go to therapy, to hospitals,
And after-funeral brunches.


We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.   


Now we suffer body aches
And sleep the night away. 


We used to go out dining,
And couldn't get our fill. 


Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill.


We used to travel often
To places near and far. 


Now we get backaches
From riding in the car. 


We used to go out shopping
For new clothing at the Mall 


But, now we never bother...
All the sizes are too small. 


That, my friend is how life is,
 
And now my tale is told.
 

So, enjoy each day and live it up...
Before you're too damn old!!