Wednesday, July 31, 2013

RAMBLINGS OF A RETIRED MIND

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones 
> that
> everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.
>
> I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
>
>
> I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue
> teeth, I think.
>
> You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people
> didn't like me anyway.
>
> I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer
> cans!
>
> I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still
> have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'
>
> I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it
> 'Pumping Rust'.
>
> I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is
> falling into your drawers!
>
> When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a
> cat?'
>
> Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
>
> Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of 
> an
> emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!
>
> I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
> they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their 
> finals.
>
>
>
> Ge ntle Thoughts for Today -
>
>
>
> Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then S**t on your car.
>
>
>
> A penny saved is a government oversight.
>
>
>
> The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your
> body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
>
>
>
> The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
> replacement.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's 
> really
> in trouble..
>
>
>
> Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it
> spells 'Theirs...'
>
>
>
> Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your 
> age
> and start bragging about it.
>
>
>
> Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to 
> know
> 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads
> weren't paved.
>
>
>
> When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think 
> of
> Algebra.
>
>
>
> You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
>
>
>
> One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a
> nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old 
> is
> comfortable.
>
>
>
> Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . .. 
> .
> . . . AMEN
>
>

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