Sunday, December 29, 2013

A GOLF JOKE


    Jim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
    One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes.
    His wife was standing there watching him.
    After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we
    are married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."
    Jim gets this horrified look on his face.
    She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
    ”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
    "Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
    ”I wasn't!“
 

Sunday, December 22, 2013

WHO IS THE WEALTHY ONE?

One day a very wealthy father took his son on a trip to the country for
the sole purpose of showing his son how it was to be poor.

>They Spent a few days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

>After their return from the trip, the father asked his son how he liked the trip.

>"It was great, Dad," the son replied. 

>"Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked.  

>"Oh Yeah," said the son.  

>"So to what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.  

>The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. 

>We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. 

>We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. 

>Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

>We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. 

>We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. 

>We buy our food, but they grow theirs. 

>We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

>The boy's father was speechless. 

>Then his son added, "It showed me how poor we are." 

>Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on what we don't have. 

>What is one person's worthless object is another's prize possession.

>It is all based on one's perspective. Makes you wonder what would happen if we all 
gave thanks to God for all the bounty we have been provided by Him, instead of worrying 
about wanting more. 

>Take joy in all He has given each and every one of us, especially rejoice in our friends.

 

Thursday, December 19, 2013

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK

You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to 
be offended by the phrase, 'One nation, under God..'


You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing 

the 10 Commandments posted in public places. 
You might be a redneck if: You still say ' Christmas' 
instead of 'Winter Festival.'
 

You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when 
someone prays.

You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your 
hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem
 
You might be a redneck if:You treat our armed forces 
veterans with great respect, and always have.
 
You might be a redneck if:You've never burned an 
American flag, nor intend to.


You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe 
and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
 

You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and 
raised your kids to do the same.
 
Some of you are so old you don't have elders to respect.

You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to
a friend.
 
You might be a redneck if: You believe in God & Jesus
and believe that others have the right to believe
differently as long as their God does not
tell them to kill anyone who does not believe the same
as they do!!!!! 

Sunday, December 15, 2013

IS IT RACISM?

Oprah Winfrey was quoted this week saying that the reason President Obama's popularity has plummeted is because of, "RACISM!" She continued, "There is a level of disrespect for the office that occurs because he's African-American. It's the kind of thing that nobody ever says but everyone is thinking it." She added that older people "marinated" in bigotry "may have to die" before America's racism ends.

I couldn't help but wonder why she pulled out the race card on this one. She uses it on a regular basis, but I'm surprised at this one. If racism was the reason his approval rating is so low, how did he get elected and reelected in the first place? If we are stooping to this kind of logic, shouldn't Romney, who lost the election to Obama be declaring racism? All of the last 8 presidents before Obama sank to a lower approval rating than Obama's rating right now. Doesn't that mean that Obama is accorded more respect than presidents who were white?

I'm so old-fashioned and out-of-touch, I don't understand much of things going on in this world. I am pleading with all of you out there who visit my website, and there are thousands of you, to place your comments at the bottom of this blog. I have seen many African-Americans speak out against Obama, does that make them racists?

I have two questions: Is Oprah a racist against whites? And is Obama doing a great job as our president?

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

THE DRUNK AND THE PRIEST


A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, 
Enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says
              nothing.



 The Priest coughs a few times to get his 
Attention but the drunk continues to sit there. 
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. 



The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, 
there's no paper on this side either!"

 

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

A MALE FAIRY TALE

 
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No!!!" And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and dated skinny long-legged full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was friggin cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.
 
The end
 
 

Monday, December 2, 2013

CURE FOR ANGER

Cure for Anger
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?"
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick".