Friday, April 11, 2014

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US

TELL   ME THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN TO
USAn elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone
to  report    that her car has been broken
into. She is  hysterical as she    explains her
situation to the  dispatcher: 'They've
stolen the stereo, the steering  wheel, the brake pedal
and    even the accelerator!'  she cried.. The
dispatcher said,    'Stay calm... An  officer
is on the way.' A few minutes    later, the
officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says.    'She got
in  the back-seat by
mistake.'     TELL ME THIS WON'T
HAPPEN TO US!!


__________________________________________________
______________________     Three
sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a
house     together. One night the 96-year-old
draws a bath. She  puts    her foot in and
pauses. She yells to the other  sisters,
'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'  The
94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll
come    up and see.' She starts up the stairs
and  pauses    'Was I going up the stairs or
down? The  92-year-old is    sitting at the
kitchen table having  tea listening to her
sisters, she shakes her head  and says, 'I sure hope
I    never get that forgetful,  knock on
wood...' She then   yells, 'I'll come up and help
both of you as soon as    I see who's at the
door.'     TELL ME THIS WON'T
HAPPEN TO US!!!!


________________________________________________________________________
'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'     Three
retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing
golf    one fine March day. One remarked to the
other,  'Windy,    isn't it?' 'No,' the second
man  replied,    'it's Thursday.' And the third
man chimed  in,    'So am I. Let's have a
beer.'     TELL ME THIS WON'T
HAPPEN TO US!!!!


_______________________________________________________________________
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in
a    nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up
the hem  of    her nightgown and say
'Supersex.' She walked up  to    an elderly man
in a wheelchair.. Flipping her  gown at him,
she said, 'Supersex...' He sat silently  for a
moment    or two and finally answered, 'I'll
take  the
soup.'     TELL ME THIS WON'T
HAPPEN TO US!!!!

 __________________________________________________________________
Now this one is just too
Precious...LOL!    Two elderly ladies
had been friends for many decades.  Over    the
years, they had shared all kinds of  activities
and    adventures. Lately, their activities
had been limited to   meeting a few times a week to
play  cards.     One day,
they were playing cards when one looked at
the    other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ...
I  know    we've been friends for a long time,
but I just  can't    think of your name! I've
thought And thought,  but I    can't remember
it. Please tell me what your  name
is..     Her friend glared at her
for at least three minutes  she    just stared
and glared at her. Finally she said,  'How
soon do you need to
know?'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!

  _________
__________________________________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING     As a senior
citizen was driving down the freeway, his
car    phone rang. Answering, he heard his
wife's  voice    urgently warning him, 'Herman,
I just heard on  the news    that there's a car
going the wrong way on  Interstate 77.
Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said  Herman,
'It's not just one car. It's hundreds  of
them!'     TELL ME THIS WON'T
HAPPEN TO US !!!!


______________________________________________
_______________
DRIVING     Two elderly women were
out driving in a large car -  both    could
barely see over the dashboard. As they  were
cruising    along, they came to an
intersection.  The stoplight was red,    but
they just went on  through. The woman in the
passenger    seat thought to  herself 'I must
be losing it. I could    have sworn we  just
went Through a red light.'
After a few more minutes, they came to another
intersection    and the light was red. Again, they
went  right through. The    woman in the
passenger seat was  almost sure that the
light    had been red but was  really concerned
that she was losing    it. She was  getting
nervous.     At the next
intersection, sure enough, the light was red    and
they went on through. So, She turned to the other
woman    and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we
just  ran    through three red lights in a row?
You could  have killed us
both!'     Mildred turned to her
and said, 'Oh, crap, am I
driving?'

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