Thursday, August 28, 2014

CHECKING OUT AT THE GROCERY STORE

Checking  out at the grocery store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.  
The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."
The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."
The older lady said that she was right -- our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day. The older lady went on to explain:
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. 
But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags  as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribbling's. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.
But, too bad we didn't do the  "green thing" back then.
We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.
Back then we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early  days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief(remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen we blended and stirred  by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up oldnewspapers to cushion it, not styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn  gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn't have the "green thing" back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the"green  thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person.
We don't like being old in the first place,  it doesn't take much to piss us off. especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smartass who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

The Back Nine Holes

 
AND THEN IT IS WINTER
 
 
You know ... time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.
 
 
But, here it is... the back nine of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go?
 
 
I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that I was only on the first hole and the back nine was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it  would be like.
 
 
But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting gray...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change...Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd become.
 
 
Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit!
 
 
And so...now I enter into this new season of my  life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though I’m on the back nine, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...it's over. A new adventure will begin! Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime.
 
 
So, if you're not on the back nine yet...let  me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether you’re on the back nine or not!
 
 
You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the  years past!!
 
 
"Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one. LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY ! HAVE A GREAT DAY Remember "It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver. LIVE HAPPY IN 2014!
 
 
LASTLY, CONSIDER THIS:
~Your kids are becoming you......but your grandchildren are perfect!
~Going out is good.. Coming home is better!
~You forget names.... But it's OK because some people forgot they even knew you!!!
~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything like golf.
~The things you used to care to do, you aren't as interested in anymore, but you really do care that you aren't as interested.
~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV 'ON' than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep".
~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..
~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... ???
~You notice everything  they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!
~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
~Everybody whispers.
~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear.
 
~~~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!
 
 
Stay well, "OLD FRIEND!" Send this on to other "Old Friends!" and let them laugh in AGREEMENT!!! It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived.
 
 
TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

 

Monday, August 18, 2014

Tips From the Redneck Book of Etiquette






1.
Never take a beer to a job interview.
2.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3.
It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2.
Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1.
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by ataxidermist.
2.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1.
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.'
3.
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4.
Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
WEDDINGS
1.
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbundand a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4.
Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5.
It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1.
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4.
When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it isimpolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
1.
All the DNA is the same.
2.
There are no dental records