Tuesday, April 28, 2015

AIN'T THIS A JOKE THAT IS NOT FAR FROM THE TRUTH

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for
weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write
God a letter requesting the $100.00.
 
When the postal authorities received the letter to "God, USA,"
they decided to send it to the President.
 
The President was so amused that he instructed his secretary
to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this
would appear to be a lot of money to the little boy.
 
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to
write a "thank you" note to God, which read:  Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending the money.  However, I noticed
that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC and
those assholes deducted $95.00 in taxes.
 
 

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

THE CARPENTER

Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side-by-side, sharing machinery and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch.

Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference and finally, it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence. 

One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I 'm looking for a few days' work," he said. "Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?"

"Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor. In fact, it's my younger brother! Last week there was a meadow between us. He recently took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us.  Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll do him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore." 

The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you."

The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day -- measuring, sawing and nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. 

The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all.

It was a bridge .. A bridge that stretched from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work, handrails and all! And the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming toward them, his hand outstretched..

"You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done." 

The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox onto his shoulder.

"No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother. 
"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but I have many more bridges to build." 
  
Remember This... God won't ask what kind of car you drove, but He'll ask how many people you helped get where they needed to go.  
God won't ask the square footage of your house, but He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.  
God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, but He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.   
God won't ask how many friends you had, but He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.  
God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, but He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.  
God won't ask about the color of your skin, but He'll ask about the content of your character. 
God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation, but He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in Heaven, and not to the gates of hell. 

Monday, April 20, 2015

LITTLE THELMA


> Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father that
> they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. And, "Since
> Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks,
> "Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?
> Thelma's father thinks a bit then says "No, I don't think God would
> get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?”
> "The Isis group," she says.
> "Why them," her father asks in shock?
> "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl
> could have enough love to give them a valentine, they might start to
> think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a
> little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent
> valentines to them, they'd love everyone a lot. And then they'd start
> going all over the place telling everyone how much they loved them and
> how they didn't hate anyone anymore."
> Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound
> pride. "Thelma, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
> "I know," Thelma says, "and once that gets them out in the open, the
> Marines could blow the shit out of them."

Monday, April 13, 2015

I THINK SHE IS A BIT UPSET!!!!


                    Alan Simpson, the Senator from Wyoming , calls senior 
citizens the  'Greediest Generation' as he compared "Social Security" to a 
Milk Cow with 310 million teats.
                    Here's a response in a letter from   PATTY MYERS in 
Montana ... I think she is a little ticked off! She also tells it like it 
is!
                    ..........................................................................................
                    "Hey, Alan, let's get a few things straight!!!!!
                    1. As a career politician,
                    you have been on the public dole (tit) for FIFTY YEARS.
 
                    2. I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS 
(since I was 15 years old. I am now 63).
 
                    3. My Social Security payments, and those of millions of 
other Americans, were safely tucked away in 'an interest bearing account' 
for decades until you political pukes decided to raid the account and give 
OUR money to a bunch of losers in return for votes , thus bankrupting the 
system and turning Social Security into a s,  scheme that would make 
Bernie Madoff proud.
 
                    4. Recently, just like Lucy and Charlie Brown, you and 
"your ilk" pulled the proverbial football away from millions of American 
seniors nearing retirement and moved the goalposts for full retirement from 
age 65 to age, 67. NOW, you and your "shill commission"  are proposing to 
move the goalposts YET AGAIN .
 
                    5. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying 
into Medicare from day one, and now
                    "you" propose to change the rules of the game. Why? 
Because "you" mismanaged other parts of the economy to such an extent that 
you need to steal our money from Medicare to pay the bills.
 
                    6. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying 
income taxes our entire lives, and now you propose to increase our taxes yet 
again. Why? Because you  "incompetents" spent our money so profligately that 
you just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come to 
the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay off   YOUR debt.
 
                    7.To add insult to injury, you label us "greedy" for 
calling "bullshit"  to your incompetence . Well, Captain Bullshit , I have a 
few questions for YOU:
                           1. How much money have you earned from the 
American taxpayers during your pathetic 50-year political career?
                           2. At what age did you retire from your pathetic 
political career, and how much are you receiving in annual retirement 
benefits from the American taxpayers?
                           3. How much do you pay for YOUR government 
provided health insurance?
                           4. What cuts in YOUR retirement and healthcare 
benefits are you proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or 
as usual, have you exempted yourself and your political cronies?
 
                    It is you, Captain Bullshit , and your political 
co-conspirators called Congress who are the
                    "greedy" ones. It is you and your fellow thieves who 
have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream from millions of 
loyal, patriotic taxpayers. And for what? Votes, your job and retirement 
security at our expense,you leech.
 
                    That's right, sir. You and yours have bankrupted America 
for the sole purpose of advancing
                    your political careers. You know it, we know it, and you 
know that we know it.
                    And you can take that to the bank you miserable son of a 
bitch .
 
                    NO, I did not stutter.
 
                    P.S. And stop calling Social Security benefits 
"entitlements".   WHAT AN INSULT!!!!
                    I have been paying in to the SS system for 45 years. 
It's my money-give it back to me the way the system was designed and stop 
patting yourself on the back like you are being generous by doling out these 
monthly checks.

Monday, April 6, 2015

It's a Wonderful Life with all it's ups and downs





I grew up with practical parents. A mother, God love her, who washed
aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original
recycle queen before they had a name for it. A father who was happier
getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.



Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived
barely a wave away.



I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house
dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time
for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven
door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.



It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing,
eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence.
Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.



But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of
the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes
there isn't any more.



Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to
return.. So... While we have it..... it's best we love it.... And care for
it.. And fix it when it's broken......... And heal it when it's sick.



This is true. For marriage....... And old cars..... And children with bad
report cards..... And dogs with bad hips.... And aging parents...... And
grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth
it.
Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we
grew up with.



There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who
are special........ And so, we keep them close!



I received this from someone who thinks I am a 'keeper', so I've sent it to
the people I think of in the same way... Now it's your turn to send this to
those people that are "keepers" in your life. Good friends are like
stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
Keep them close!


God won't have to ask how many people you forwarded this to, He already
knows your decision.


ADDED BY WAYNE- MY FRATERNITY HAD A MOTTO OF "TO A FRIEND IN NEED, BE A FRIEND "INDEED"!  I STILL LIKE THAT SOME 54 YEARS AFTER GRADUATION.