Tuesday, June 2, 2015

WISDOM WITH AGE

 Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten
> minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
>
>
> Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.  We haven't met
> yet!
>
>
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> The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about!
>
>
>
> I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
>
>
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> I don't need anger management.  I need people to stop pissing me off!
>
>
>
> Old age is coming at a really bad time!
>
>
>
> When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a
grown
> up, it just feels
>
> like a small vacation!
>
>
>
> The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down,
> I'll remember it."
>
>
>
> Lord  grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the
> courage  to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I
> finally snap!
>
>
>
> I don't have gray hair.  I have "wisdom highlights".  I'm just very wise.
>
>
>
>
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> My people skills are just fine.  It's my tolerance to idiots that needs
> work.
>
>
>
> Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a
> piece of paper.
>
>
>
> If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
>
>
>
> The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please.  I text back "no"
> which is shorter than "yes".
>
>
>
> I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me!
>
>
>
> I'm going to retire and live off of my savings.  Not sure what I'll do
> that second week.
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>
>
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> I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it!
>
>
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> Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!
>
>
>
> Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me
> to someone I can't understand anyway?
>
>
>
> Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.
>
>
>
> Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
>
>
>
> Oops!  Did I roll my eyes out loud?
>
>
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> At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what
I
> came in there for.
>
>
>
> Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ... That makes it a plant
which
> means ... chocolate is Salad.
>

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