AS I AGE, I REALIZE THAT:
1. I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice.
2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.
3. I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me
4. My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that
5. The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down,
I'll remember it."
6. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it's
like a mini vacation.
7. Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!
8. Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
9. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my
10. When the kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please, I text
back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
11. At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and