Saturday, March 26, 2016

RUN BY IDIOTS

If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without
a license, but not for being in the country illegally .....
Then you might live in a country run by idiots.
 
If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on
a field trip or take an aspirin in school, but not to get
an abortion ...
Then you might live in a country run by idiots.
 
If you have to show identification to board an airplane,
cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book,
but you don't have to show ID for the right to vote on
who runs the government .....
Then you might live in a country run by idiots.
 
If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding
citizens from owning gun magazines with more than
ten rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy
new leaders in Egypt .....
Then you might live in a country run by idiots.
 
If, in the largest city of the country, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas,
but not a 24-ounce soda because the government says a 24-ounce
sugary drink might make you fat .....
Then you might live in a country run by idiots.
 
If an 80-year-old woman can be strip-searched
by the TSA but a woman in a burka is only subject to
having her neck and head searched because of her religion ......
Then you might live in a country run by idiots.
 
If your government believes that the best way to
eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions
more ...
Then you might live in a country run by idiots.
 
If a seven year old boy can be thrown out of school
for saying his teacher’s "cute," but hosting a sexual
exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly
acceptable and normal.....
Then you might live in a country run by idiots.
 
If hard work and success is rewarded with higher taxes
and more government intrusion, while not working
is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid,
subsidized housing, and free cell phones .....
Then you might live in a country run by idiots.
 
If the government's plan for getting people back to
work is to reward them with 99 weeks
of unemployment checks with no requirement to
prove they applied for any jobs in between .....
Then you might live in a country run by idiots.
 
If being stripped of the ability to defend yourself
makes you more "safe" according to the government .....
Then you might live in a country run by idiots.
 
If you are offended by this article, then I'll bet you voted
for the idiots who are ruining our once-great country.
 
 

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

BOB & THE BLONDE:

 
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
                ... 
The 10 PM news was coming on.
The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
  
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
 
Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
 
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
 
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar,the guy on  ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
 
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob.

"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
 
  Bob replied, "I can't take your money.  I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump."
  
The blonde replied, "I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
 
  Bob took the money.

Monday, March 14, 2016

55th HIGH SCHOOL REUNION

He was a widower and she a
>> widow.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> They had known each other for a
>> number of years being high school classmates and having
>> attended class reunions in the past without
>> fail.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> This 55th anniversary of their
>> class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two
>> other singles.  They had a wonderful evening,
>> their spirits high.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> The widower throwing admiring
>> glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at
>> him.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Finally, he picked up courage to
>> ask her, "Will you marry me?"
>> 
>> 
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> After about six seconds of
>> careful consideration, she answered,
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> "Yes..... yes I
>> will!"
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> The evening ended on a happy note
>> for the widower. But the next morning he was troubled. 
>> Did she say “Yes” or did she say
>> “No?”
>> 
>> 
>> He couldn't remember. Try as
>> he would, he just could not recall.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> He went over the conversation of
>> the previous evening, but his mind was blank.  He
>> remembered asking the question but for the life
>> of him could not recall her response. With fear and
>> trepidation he picked up the phone and called
>> her.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> First, he explained that he
>> couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he
>> reviewed the past evening. 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> As he gained a little more
>> courage he then inquired of her. "When I asked if you
>> would marry me, did you say “Yes” or did you say
>> “No?”
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> "Why you silly man, I said
>> ‘Yes. Yes I will.’ And I meant it with all my
>> heart."
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> The widower was delighted. He
>> felt his heart skip a beat.
> 
>> 
>> Then she continued. "And I
>> am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who
>> asked me!”
>> 
>> 
 
 
 
 
 

Friday, March 11, 2016

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME

It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.

Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday."

Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

"Jack, did you hear me?"

"Oh sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.

"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.

"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.

"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said.

"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important... Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.

Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time.

The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture... Jack stopped suddenly.

"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.

"The box is gone," he said.

"What box?" Mom asked.

"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said.

It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.

Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention.

"Mr. Harold Belser" it read.

Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.

"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.

Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved:

"Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser."

"The thing he valued most...was...my time."

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.

"I need some time to spend with my son," he said. "Oh, by the way, Janet... thanks for your time!" 

Thursday, March 3, 2016

God's Boxes


I have in my hands two boxes, 
Which God gave me to hold. 
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box, 
And all your joys in the gold."
 
 
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes, 
Both my joys and sorrows I stored, 
But though the gold became heavier each day, 
The black was as light as before.
 
With curiosity, I opened the black, 
I wanted to find out why, 
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole, 
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.
 
 
 
I showed the hole to God, and mused, 
"I wonder where my sorrows could be!" 
He smiled a gentle smile and said, 
"My child, they're all here with me.."
 
 
 
I asked God, why 
He gave me the boxes, 
Why the gold and the black with the hole? 
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
the black is for you to let go."
 
 
 
We should consider all of our friends a blessing. 
Send this to your friends today 
just to let them know you are thinking of them and that they are a joy in your life.
 
 
 
A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end. 
It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends. 
But the treasure inside for you to see, 
Is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.
 
 
 
Today I pass the friendship ball to you.
Pass it on to someone who is a friend to you...