A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected and oft times very humorous.
· If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.
· I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
· Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
· Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
· I'm great at multi-tasking -- I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once .
· If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
· Take my advice — I'm not using it.
· My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met .
· Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.
· Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
· Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
· Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
· He who laughs last thinks slowest.
· Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
· Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
· I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
· I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
· If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
· Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
· If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
· Money is the root of all wealth.
· No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.