Sunday, November 27, 2016

MAN OF THE HOUSE

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man of Your House."
 Finding new courage that he never knew he had, he stormed into the kitchen and announced to his wife, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is the 'Law.'  You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, bring it to me, and when I am done eating my meal, you will clear the dishes and serve me a scrumptious dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will make love the way I want! Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.  You will put on soothing music, wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.  You will massage my feet and hands to relieve any last bit of tension so that I can sleep like a baby. 
Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess, unless I have you cremated."
 
 

Saturday, November 19, 2016

MY LATEST RELEASED NOVEL

 Follow the story of Tony Franco who goes from a convicted criminal to an ordained Priest. Tony commits a crime and is locked up in a prison and yet, ultimately, becomes a priest. How did he go from one extreme to another after the death of a young boy? Against the Wind tells the story of the reconciliation of a man’s soul through the healing of another. This is a life changing event in Tony’s life and it impacts him because of his faith in God.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Men Are Just Happier People

Men Are Just Happier People --
  
Why?
  
Your last name stays put.
  
The garage is all yours.
  
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  
Chocolate is just another snack...
  
You can never be pregnant.
  
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
  
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
  
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  
The world is your urinal.
  
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
  
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
  
Wrinkles add character.
  
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
  
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
  
New shoes don't cut, blister, 
or mangle your feet.
  
One mood all the time.
  
Phone conversations are over 
in 30 seconds flat.
  
You know stuff about tanks.
  
A five-day vacation requires 
only one suitcase.
  
You can open all your own jars.
  
If someone forgets to invite you,
  
He or she can still be your friend.
  
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
  
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
  
Everything on your face stays 
its original color.
  
The same hairstyle lasts for years, 
even decades.
  
You only have to shave your face and neck.
  
You can play with toys all your life.
  
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- 
one color for all seasons.
  
You can wear shorts no matter 
how your legs look.
  
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
  
You have freedom of choice 
concerning growing a mustache.
  
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24in 25 minutes.
  

Friday, November 11, 2016

A BLOND JOKE...SORRY

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
                ... 
The 10 PM news was coming on.
The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
  
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
 
Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
 
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
 
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar,the guy on  ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
 
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob.

"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
 
  Bob replied, "I can't take your money.  I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump."
  
The blonde replied, "I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
 
  Bob took the money.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

AT THE PEARLY GATES

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the
Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who
were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone,
but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most
Tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over,
ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now,
back off or I'll kick the s*^# out of all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Couple of minutes ago." answered the Cowboy!