Tuesday, April 24, 2018

WISDOM MAKES YOU SMILE

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.


- Mark Twain


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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; 
and to have the two as close together as possible.



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Santa Claus has the right idea.  Visit people only once a year.


- Victor Borge


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Be careful about reading health books.  You may die of a misprint.


- Mark Twain


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By all means, marry.  If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one,
you'll become a philosopher.


- Socrates
 
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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech  Every now and then she stops to breathe.


- Jimmy Durante


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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.


- Zsa Zsa Gabor


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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.


- Rodney Dangerfield


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Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.



  


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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.


- W. C. Fields


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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.


- Will Rogers


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Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you.






And the cardiologist's diet:  if it tastes good spit it out.


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May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and
may nothing but happiness come through your door.

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