Tuesday, June 12, 2018


These are good old ones?

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

I didn?t make it to the gym today.  That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the ?John? and renamed it the ?Jim?. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age always seems to come at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought ?Nap Time? was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is...?I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don?t have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"!  I?m just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would?ve put them on my knees..

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven?t met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you?re just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age ?Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don?t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don?t have a curfew. I have a driver?s license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don?t have acne. Life is great.

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can?t remember their names.

Now, I?m wondering?did I send this to you, or did you send it to me.

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