These are good old ones?
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
I didn?t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the ?John? and renamed it the ?Jim?. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age always seems to come at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought ?Nap Time? was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is...?I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
I don?t have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"! I?m just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would?ve put them on my knees..
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven?t met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you?re just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age ?Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don?t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don?t have a curfew. I have a driver?s license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don?t have acne. Life is great.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can?t remember their names.
Now, I?m wondering?did I send this to you, or did you send it to me.